A Relationship on the Rocks

All relationships have ups and downs. Even in the best of circumstances, there are times when you question what the future holds and try to remember how you felt in the good old days.

Lately, I have to admit, the passion is gone. In fact, I find myself dreading our time together. I am trying to work through this and realize that I’m going through a lot of changes right now. But still, I long for how I used to feel. Is it hormones?

Of course, I’m not talking about my marriage. I’m talking about running and me. I can’t honestly say that I used to be truly excited about running, but I did enjoy it most of the time and I could usually catch a groove.

I distinctly remember one deranged moment when I was training for my first marathon in 2007. It was a beautiful October day and I was 18 miles into my final long run of 26 miles. I remember thinking, “Darn, I only have 8 miles left. But I don’t want to stop!” Even at the time I realized that was insane but I just felt great.

It is no surprise to me that running while pregnant feels different. I figured that that at some point there would come a time where it would become awkward and my body would tell me when it was time to stop. But that’s not supposed to happen for a long time. Right?

I admit to reading about pregnant runners who keep running well into their third trimester. In fact, Jen at the Runners Trials seemed to really enjoy running up until 33 weeks of pregnancy. I want to be like her!

But you know what? Running is just not my thing right now. It is not that it hurts. It is just that it is difficult and not enjoyable. Most of the time I’m out there I’m watching the clock thinking “How much longer do I have to do this?” And boy do I procrastinate getting started.

 The thing is, I didn’t expect for it to be so hard at this point. Yes, I am heavier – about 10 pounds more than my usual weight. But should that really make a big difference? It is not like I have a big baby bump that is making it uncomfortable or awkward to run.

 Now, I realize that my body is directing a lot of energy to growing the Little Olive. It takes a lot of resources. I am really taking it easy. While I run I tell myself “there is no such thing as too slow” and remind myself that I the only thing I am training for is having a healthy baby. I am taking it so easy that  sometimes after my runs I debate whether I even need to take a shower.

In some ways, I think this experience is good for me. For one thing, it helps me understand a little bit about how most people probably feel about running. I think, “Oh, so this is what it is like when it doesn’t come naturally…”

Don’t be confused. I am not naturally a runner. I actually used to hate running. I think it was mostly because I was always trying to go fast. I was a sprinter. When I finally made myself slow down it became far less of a grind and I started to enjoy it. Most of all, I enjoy the effects of running on my body, my mental well-being, and my sleep.  

Another positive is that when (not if) things finally do get back to normal, I think I will appreciate my ability to run even more. You know, that whole gratitude thing that Kate talks about.

Please don’t take this as a complaint. It is just more honesty about my pregnancy journey. This is far from a problem. Just a challenge that I will happily face. I can stop running any time I want and I don’t need to justify that decision to anyone but myself. However, I honestly believe that running is good for me right now and that’s why I am forcing myself to do at least 25 minutes 2-3 times/week. The other days I hit the elliptical or the spin bike. I even swam once. Voluntarily!

Have a great weekend! Run a little extra for me, okay?


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Lara
    Mar 05, 2012 @ 10:46:42

    LOL. I can totally relate.


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